Arkanoid (Arcade) is the Retro Game of the Day for 12 July, 2016

Welcome to suck, population: me.

Today is not just any regular RGotD entry; it is a demonstration and a testament and a demonstration and sad confession of how utterly horrible I am at Breakout-like games.  And no game proves this to the world like me pathetically failing to play Arkanoid.

It’s really simple: a ball bounces down from the top of the playfield, where a matrix of bricks sits.  You’re a paddle at the bottom, and you have to bounce said ball up toward the bricks to ultimately destroy them all and move to the next round.  You miss, you lose a life.  This was Breakout in a nutshell, and Arkanoid adds a few neat tricks to this simple formula, like power-ups, other enemies that float down from the top, and bricks you have to hit a number of times to destroy.

If this sounds simple to you, it probably is.  In fact, if you’ve never played Arkanoid before, you could probably get much farther than my pathetic attempt shown above.  I don’t know why I’m so bad at these kinds of games.  I just am.  So today’s Retro Game of the Day is not just showing you Arkanoid, which in fact is a really good game.  It’s a demonstration of my horrible failure at it.  And this is the difference in a game that I am bad at but admit that the fault lies within myself, and the games that I play, I’m bad at, and realize that the fault is with the game itself.  There’s a huge difference there, and I can, in fact, recognize it.  It irks me when people blame my inability to play bad games, because folks, I can recognize the difference in my inability to play a game and the game’s inability to be good.  Arkanoid is good, and I am terrible at it.  Super Mario 64 is bad, and that makes me terrible at it. 

Learn the difference.